Je suis desole

Wow, who knew that having a job, and not having an internet/phone connection can seriously deteriorate the frequency of my blogging all across the board. yeah. I'm sorry... just check back every two weeks or so, choads.... luckily, i have one of the fewest computers at work that have access to the internet, but my opportunity to access anything is far and few.... I'm sorry... but luckily, no one is here, so i don't give a shit too much, heehee.

gtg... paying my byills.

Tired

damn, fuck, another hurricane is coming... this probably makes up for the 20 odd years i've lived here and never felt the full fear of a hurricane... but I'm not afraid of anything, except my computers and car being destroyed... if anything, I have 10 untouched credit cards I can use to rebuild my life. gtg, moving things into my desolate, empty apartment.

moving on up

Yeah, we're moving on up, to the East Side, to a deluxe apartment in the sky.

Jon's Addiction

After fighting, with all my willpower, against going to the Derby Lane, I've realized I'm a gambling addict, for small-stakes crap poker. I think the height of it was me losing out the 34 dollars, then getting an advance on my CC for 57.99 ($50 + 7.99 fee), then losing all that too. This day last night, I was soo tempted to go back, even with a dolalr, to bet. but I tried to focus, and tell myself that i have no money, and I'm spending on way too much, and money can go to blow on other stupid shit.

Then I realized, this must be what a real addiction is. I certainly do not have this problem with cigarettes, though I bet this is the feeling Van gets when he is fuming for a smoke: the ever building volcano of frustration to grab your release in the form of what ails you the most. For me, it is the card game.

I wouldn't be an addict if i was winning, or maybe i would. anyways, the first 3 days of my poker in the Dog track was up, until my wallet was stolen. Then i was dead even again with profits. Then, I lost 60 dollars. Then i gained 140, lost 140, gained 180. then i lost 60. and now, 85. See, see the pain of gambling? its not even fair by all rights, the way the stakes are created. You can't bluff people out. Its sickening... Yet, i crave to go back, to see the flop, flop a set/straight/flush/boat. Yet, as of now, I have no money that is burnable, so i have to stop. I must try to stop, until I can get back my money from working...

sigh

Oh, if no one saw, I have a really nice rebuttal on Bush's acceptance speech on my xlog.